I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
