I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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