why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
