i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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