I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
