i think my mom watched the whole time
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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