Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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