i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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