this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
