They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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