maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
