This is not my ceiling
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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