Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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