I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
