you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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