dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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