I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
