She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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