Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
