he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
