there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
