so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
