get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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