I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
