This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am one with the molecules
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
