It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this just has baby written all over it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
