Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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