**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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