yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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