I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
