stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
