I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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