Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
