I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
