I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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