3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
