Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
