I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize