new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
