Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
