I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
