As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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