you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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