I think my vagina is haunted
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
