i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize