Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
