the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
