My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
