At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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