My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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