i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
should my penis look like a turkey
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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