If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
