he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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