dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
