I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
