im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
