and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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