I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
