You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
