and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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