Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if only i could text you this smell
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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