I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
