I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
