Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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