i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
