dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
