So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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