So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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