At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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